'STAN THE MAN' / STANLEY HERBERT TORNING [Family]

STANLEY HERBERT TORNING

My beautiful Dad not long before he passed

Our Family Home in Yagoona

My Dad was a man of many talents. A Tool Maker by trade, he could pretty much turn his hand to anything, like most men of his era. He helped his Father-in-law 

(a Carpenter/Cabinet Maker) to build our family home, electrics and plumbing included. 

Dad playing games in the yard
with the grandkids

He could build just about anything and knew mechanics and machinery. He was an amateur jewellery maker, gem cutter and lapidary enthusiast. He dabbled in photography, was a ham actor, had a beautiful tenor voice, played a mean harmonica and had a great sense of humour. Kids adored him and he loved them. Whenever there was a gathering of any kind, all the grandchildren would just gravitate to him as well as any other kid around. Something just drew them to him and he loved them. He even had a magic hanky for pulling lose teeth!!

He loved fish, didn't particularly like meat unless it was cooked almost to charcoal, never drank alcohol (hated the taste of it) But always needed his cup of tea after dinner....and lunch....and breakfast....and morning tea (he loved his cup of tea)and a slice of bread and butter with every meal. I never heard him swear although he would occasionally cuss under his breath if he hit his thumb with a hammer or that huge trout got away (He was an avid fisherman). 

Growing up I remember he was always firm but loving but if you disobeyed, watch out. He would take his belt off and lay it on the dinner table when we were kids and that would be enough to silence us, although I have no recollection of him ever laying a hand on any of us. He never raised his voice to us, he didn't need to, we respected him and loved him and knew better than to argue.

Dad, after the men at work drenched
him with water as payback for all
the tricks he had played on them.

He loved a good joke. In fact he was a bit of a larrikin and could be the life of the party. Some of the speeches he has given over the years at family gatherings have been hilarious and he was known for his pranks in the tool room.

But Dad was a gentle man in the true sense of the word. His respect and concern for others was always evident in how he treated people and was always ready to lend a hand to anyone.  If Mrs so and so down the road needed the lawn mowed or a cupboard door fixed or a drain unclogged, he'd be there. 

He was known as 'Stan the Man' up and down the street and amongst all the people that Mum knew (and that was a lot!!!)

And whilst Mum was always in the forefront of everything that was going on, Dad never sought fame or the limelight and was always happy to be in Mum's shadow and let her shine. He loved my mother deeply and even in his old age, still looked at her with such love and admiration in his eyes.

Mum and Dad at around 17 years of age

He was always the voice of calm and reason in the midst of havoc and the polar opposite in that respect to Mum who was always going off about something.

He was the kind of man that would give you the shirt off his back or the last dollar in his bank account if you needed it. He was always there when I needed him (which was often with 5 kids) and whenever anything went wrong even the kids would say 'Ring Grandpa!'

In many ways, although Dad was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, he was my hero and the kind of man you knew you could depend on no matter what, and who would fight to defend and protect and provide for those he loved with his last breath.

He was respected by a lot of people, not the least, the men he worked with in the tool shops over his life time. He was always being asked to take on the supervisors role and consistently refused (even though the money would have been very handy) because he didn't want to work longer hours and be away from his family. The men admired him and the young apprentices that he mentored, looked up to him and sought him out for advice, not just about tool making but about life as well.

When Mum and Dad had a Caravan at Windang, we would visit there often and I loved sitting in Dad's old boat, just the two of us, as we'd dangle our rods over the side and enjoy the gentle rocking of the boat on the water. 
We didn't talk much, didn't need to! 
We just enjoyed each other's company, enjoyed the silence.
But sometimes we would chat about things. He told me once that he had always wanted to be on the stage, singing and dancing. I revealed to him that I had also had that desire. We both just sighed at lost dreams and proceeded to quietly sing a couple of songs together.

Sonny and Cher aka Mum and Dad at their 50th Wedding Anniversary concert

Wonderful memories of a wonderful, loving, sensitive, creative man who taught me so much about compassion, respect, consideration and kindness.

In every way he modelled his faith in Jesus and lived a gentle, humble life.

Dad, my sister Karen and I in our front yard at Yagoona

To this day I still miss him more than I can say. 
His quiet strength and dependability in the midst of chaos.
I can still hear his strong, steady voice saying
"It's OK Merrie, we'll work it out".

Love you Dad! Can't wait to see you again!

TOO SOON TO SAY GOODBYE / [Family]

My sister Judith and brother Stephen

She was 12 and a bit when I was born. That perfect age when young girls are into all things baby. Helping with nappy changes and bottle feeding and bathing and cuddling, lots of cuddling.

Growing up, it was like I had two mothers, which at times as a teenager, could be pretty frustrating, two people lecturing you can get awfully tiresome. But in spite of that, it was wonderful to have an older sister who cared so much about me.

When I was 10 she married and moved away from home and I remember I cried myself to sleep after the wedding. It just wasn’t going to be the same not having her around. Thankfully, she moved not too far away and my other sister and I spent holidays with her where we were able to do lots of feeding and bathing and cuddling of our new nephew.

Some years later her marriage ended and she came back home with my nephew and pregnant with her second child. For a few years I shared a room with my nephew. Life was a bit tight having three extra people in the house but it was also a wonderful time with lots of happy memories.

I know I don't look happy but I really was!!! Dad just took
forever to take a photograph!
Me with my two nephews and my sister in the background.

But again, it was like having two Mum’s to answer to and at times tensions ran high between her and I as I wanted my privacy and was going through a rebellious stage and she hovered like a mother hen. We had some interesting fights during that time with me usually yelling “You’re not my mother!” But for the most part, it was fun having my nephews around plus another adult to sort out problems for me and my sister’s cooking was certainly an improvement on my Mums!

Eventually she remarried and moved to Wagga and then Sale in Victoria as her new husband was in the Air Force. They did a stint at Butterworth until one of my nephews was diagnosed with Leukemia and the family (which had grown to 3) eventually moved back to Sydney for his treatment.

We have always been a close family. My Mum and Dad, two sisters and one brother, our spouses and children and grandchildren. We always made an effort to celebrate Birthdays together and attend each others and our children’s important occasions like Baptisms and Confirmations, 21^st’s and Engagements, and to just get together as a family for a BBQ or the like just because we loved being together. Some of the happiest times of my life have been spent with my family. The joy of those days is embedded in my heart and I marvel that we were so blessed. 

One of the many combined 'June' Birthdays with many
members of the family having birthdays in June

I remember as a child, I found it hard to imagine that things would change and I had  a deep need for them not to change. Change can be good sometimes but it can also be painful. And at times your whole world seems to crash down around you and it’s devastating.

That’s how I felt in 2013 when my sister, my other Mother, my friend, singing companion, listening ear, sometimes mentor, fun loving, caring, passionate, annoying, overbearing, loveable, talkative, opinionated, compassionate, loud, talented, gifted, knowledgeable, know it all of a sister that was always there for me no matter what, passed away and left our family bereft.

My sister

4 years ago today, she left this earth for her eternal home and my heart has yet to stop aching. The very special place she filled in my world, that only she could fill, remains empty and time has been unable to fill the void. My world as I knew it changed, never to be the same again in so many ways.

In her passing, and that of my brother 5 months later causing equal devastation, we lost so much more than a sister and a brother. We lost a way of life. We lost a closeness as a family that we enjoyed so much, a special bond that so often only family have. That 'look' - that knowing glance, that connection with your roots, that one word that could evoke hilarious laughter or perhaps groans because we all knew what it meant. The funny stories we shared from childhood. Someone who had ‘been there, done that’, with you, who shared a past and understood why you were the way you were.

That these deaths could cause such an avalanche of change in my life and leave a giant crater that was once a mountain top of joy is a bitter pill to swallow.

My sister was a strong woman, like most of the women in our family line. She went through some pretty tough times in her life but no matter what her struggles were, she always had time to give of herself to someone else, to sit and listen and yes, offer counsel, as she was want to do, but she also had a vulnerability, maybe insecurity, as well as a sadness about her that was covered up by bluff and bluster. 

She often said she felt like a square peg in a round hole and I don't think anyone really 'got her' the way she needed to be 'got.' She was no saint that's for sure but in many ways there was a depth to her that I don't think even she could understand or adequately explain. She felt things deeply and struggled with many demons but she had a faith that didn't quit and a confidence in her Lord that brought her great comfort and peace, especially at the end of her life. 

She had a crazy streak as well and a warped sense of human that meant lots of laughter and frivolity at family gatherings and she could sing like the proverbial angel. We spent many happy hours with my brother and other sister singing together, which was something that I derived a lot a pleasure from and miss immensely.

My sister and her husband

Each person that blesses our lives, each with their own distinctiveness, fills different places in our hearts and lives and when one is lost, a little piece of yourself is lost too. What’s left are the wonderful memories of happier times, yes, but also a longing for those sweeter times to return, the times that you blissfully and ignorantly took for granted and refused to acknowledge would one day end.

Now, we all know only too well that nothing lasts forever and so there is real value in speaking your heart to someone you love, and making the most of every precious moment that we are given. Yes, we have our memories but the pain of loss will be ours until that glorious day when we are all reunited through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Until then, we keep moving forward, we embrace life with everything we have, we love with abandon and give with joy and celebrate each other every day so that when our time comes we will know that we lived every minute recognising and embracing the gift we have in family.

The pain is still deep and oh what I wouldn’t give to do it all again, but alas, that is not how it works.

I don’t like it! I don’t like it one little bit! And I still have moments where I want to stamp my foot and scream 'NO'. But I must accept it regardless. 

Thank God that we will one day all be together again and what joy we 

will know then!

I love you and miss you big Sis. It was way too soon to say goodbye!

My big sister Judith and I

Mare

THOSE WERE THE DAYS {A FAIRY TALE} / FAMILY

The Mum and Dad and Four Children

Once upon a time there was a family. There was a Mum and a Dad, three girls and one boy. This family was very happy living together. They would go to church each Sunday and visit their Grandma for lunch in Wollongong. The Dad worked hard and always spent time playing with the children. The Mum was very clever and did lots of things to help people. Life was good for this little family. They were 6 people altogether.

The Mum and Dad grew older and the four children grew up and got married. So now there was 10 people altogether. They all loved each other very much and they had lots of happy times together.

Pretty soon the children started to have children of their own and soon the number of people grew to 25. They all loved to spend time together at Christmas and Birthday Parties and Baptisms (there were lots of Baptisms) and Confirmations and any special event that was happening. They would even go to each other’s houses and have dinner just because they liked to be together. And when they were all together, they all had such a happy time.

You would have thought that 25 people was quite a crowd but they all had friends that they loved and so would invite them to come to the gatherings as well so the house was always very busy and noisy and lots of fun.

Just some of the family

Now as it happens, the children of the children grew up and found partners of their own and so the family grew to 39. It became a little harder to get together because there were so many people and not everyone could be there at the same time but this growing family still tried as hard as they could to keep having their times together.

Eventually, some of the children of the children had babies and the number grew to 44. Wow, that’s a lot of people! It was rather crowded when they had their get togethers but they didn’t care and everyone talked and yelled and laughed and the children of the children's children ran and played and squealed and sang and everyone was just happy to be together.

Many years passed and then one day the Mum became very sick and soon she passed away. The family were very, very sad but they continued getting together because they knew the Mum would be happy about that and they were happy being together.  

Some time later, the Dad, who had stopped thinking because he missed the Mum so much, got very sick and he died also. This made the family very, very sad again and so they knew they had to be together to help each other feel better.

But, it became very hard to all be together so often. The children were all busy with work and life and church and looking after their houses. The children of the children were busy with work and life and church and looking after their houses and bringing up their little children, so not everyone could be at all the parties but still they got together as often as they could because they loved being together.

Some of the children's children and friends

Soon, some of the children of the children needed to move away from the family to do their jobs and so there wasn’t as many people at all the parties anymore and this made the family feel sad.

Time went by and the children grew older and the children of the children grew older and their children grew bigger and bigger and life became very busy and so the family didn’t spend as much time together as they used to, but when they did, they still had lots and lots of fun.

Then one day, a horrible thing happened. One of the children died. Just like that! She was gone and once again the family were very, very sad. It just didn’t seem fair and everyone wanted it not to be so.

And then, who could believe it? Another one of the children died and suddenly the sadness was too big and it was hard to think about having fun for a while.

Life seemed to go from being lots of fun to really sad so quickly. Things were changing so much for this family that once, was so happy just to be together.

Soon, they didn't see each other so much. They still loved each other and would like to be together, but, life, you know, is very busy and well, there just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to spend having fun with the family. There’s the kids to look after and work to be done and friends to see, and it takes time to stop and ring each other to see if they're ok or write each other or visit each other and well, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s just, well……

Christmas

Maybe with two of the children gone, everyone was just too sad to get together much. But, the two children who were left missed those days when they all got together and wished that it could be like it once was and that things wouldn’t get in the way of the family being together. It was nobodies fault really. It’s just the way it was. Wishing it wasn’t wouldn’t change it. But it was hard not to feel an aching deep in their soul at the passing of something that was so special.

But, maybe that’s as it should be as each family member lived out his or her life the way the Lord had planned it.

The two children knew that Families are precious gifts from the Lord and they were so grateful to have been blessed with a family that was so close for so long, especially in a world where there was so much conflict and brokenness amongst families. What they had was so special and they cherished every precious memory. They knew it hadn’t ended, just changed. But still, the sadness lingered and they thought it would be so nice, if it could be just like it was once more. 

They knew it couldn’t though because, well, it just couldn’t!

The End

Another happy Christmas

The moral of the story: It’s great to have a big happy family. It’s fun to spend time together and to help each other and to care about each other. But it takes time. It takes effort. It takes sacrifice. It takes commitment. It takes a sense of connection and every member doing their part to keep the family together. Don't forget to cherish your family.